Fixer [フィクサー]

Subbed by TheBlackCero


Composer: nuyuri
Vocal: flower
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm30868619


~Kanji~
フィクサー

今日までの記憶の全部を消してしまう時まで眠れない
あしたから生きていく自分の身代わりが欲しくて堪らない
大丈夫と言わせて 後から君のせいにさせてはくれないか
今更意味ないから後から君のせいにさせてはくれないか

出来ない約束を
とうとうと溢れる一言一言ばかりに脳を奪われるくらい
意味を成せない 何も出来ない
見えない 逃げたい 飛びたい やめたい 逸らせない

だから
沈め沈め
這い上がれないほどまで
飽きるまで
落とせ落とせ
救い垂らす時まで

嘘味の粒々を喉から締め出した悲鳴ごと嚙み砕く
笑顔が下手なばっかで 知ったような口ぶりに沿ってやり過ごす
なりたくなかった

今日役立つ眠たい眠たい理想で救われることを待つ
一番目は「い」の口で言う
力強く強く強く噛み締めて

死んでしまえしまえ
この先も過去も知らず
嫌いなら
壊せ壊せ
どうせなら加害者になればいい

食べきれない苛立ちも何も生まない悲しみも
味気なくて吐き出す前にもう次を歌え

どうせなら
踊り踊れ
灰色になり切る前に 打ち鳴らせ
変われ変われ
眠り落ちる時まで

どうせなら
奪え奪え
飼い慣らした嘘暴いて
煮え滾る頭に過ぎった虚像を見ていた

自分を見ていた


~Romaji~

kyō made no kioku no zenbu o keshite shimau toki made nemurenai
ashita kara ikite iku jibun no migawari ga hoshikute tamaranai
daijōbu to iwasete ato kara kimi no sei ni sasete wa kurenai ka
imasara imi nai kara ato kara kimi no sei ni sasete wa kurenai ka

dekinai yakusoku o
tōtō to afureru hitokoto hitokoto bakari ni nō o ubawareru kurai
imi o nasenai nanimo dekinai
mienai nigetai tobitai yametai sorasenai

dakara
shizume shizume
haiagarenai hodo made
akiru made
otose otose
sukui tarasu toki made

uso aji no tsubutsubu o nodo kara shimedashita himei goto kamikudaku
egao ga heta na bakka de shitta yō na kuchiburi ni sotte yarisugosu
naritakunakatta

kyō yaku tatsu nemutai nemutai risō de sukuwareru koto o matsu
ichibanme wa “i” no kuchi de iu
chikarazuyoku tsuyoku tsuyoku kamishimete

shinde shimae shimae
kono saki mo kako mo shirazu
kirai nara
kowase kowase
dōse nara kagaisha ni nareba ii

tabekirenai iradachi mo nanimo umanai kanashimi mo
ajikenakute hakidasu mae ni mō tsugi o utae

dōse nara
odori odore
haiiro ni narikiru mae ni uchinarase
kaware kaware
nemuriochiru toki made

dōse nara
ubae ubae
kainarashita uso abaite
nietagiru atama ni yogitta kyozō o mite ita

jibun o mite ita


~Translation~

I can’t sleep until I’ve erased all of my memory up until today.
It’s unbearable, how much I wish for a substitute to live my life for me from tomorrow on.
Let me say that everything’ll be okay. And then, won’t you let me blame it all on you later?
Since everything’s meaningless now, won’t you let me blame it all on you later?

I can’t make any sense, can’t do anything
about the promises I can’t fulfill, at the expense of letting my brain be taken over
by each and every single of the words that are flooding my mind.
I can’t see. I want to flee. I want to jump. I want to quit. I can’t avoid it.

That’s why
just let me sink, let me sink,
until I can’t crawl up anymore.
Until you’re sick of it,
just drop me, drop me,
until you dangle salvation before me.

I crush to bits the drops tasting of lies, altogether with the screams blocked out of my throat.
Having a hard time keeping a smile, I’m just whiling away my time as I go along with this know-it-all pretense.
I didn’t want to turn out like this.

Today, I’m holding on to my sleepy, sleepy ideal of becoming useful for once, while waiting to be saved.
For the first one, say it with my mouth stretched to the ears.
Biting my lips with all the strength I find in me.

Just die, just do it,
without a care for the future or past.
If I hate it,
just destroy everything, destroy everything.
Might as well just turn into a victim.

Just sing the next one already, before I have to spit out
this flavorless irritation that’s more than I can eat and sadness from which nothing ever comes.

I might as well
just dance the dance.
Let it ring out, before I completely turn an ashen color.
Just change, just change,
until I can fall asleep.

I might as well
just snatch it away, snatch it away,
exposing all the lies I’ve tamed.
I’ve been looking at a false image that flitted through my feverish mind.

I’ve been looking at my own self.

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